Everyone Has Three Lives…
I’ll try to explain this as best I can, but keep in mind that I’m not always good with getting my thoughts out; what makes sense to me doesn’t always make sense to someone else.
Ok, so I was watching an episode of Blue Bloods on CBS.com and heard something that made me pause the show and write it down, not something I do very often. “Everybody has three lives: public, private, and secret.”
This episode’s description: “When a famous movie star, Russell Berke, who shadowed Danny for research on his next role, is stabbed, Danny goes to his aid, but must keep the crime on the down-low due to Russell’s celebrity status.” Basically, this actor, Russell, is gay and does not want it to get out to the public because he feels it will affect the roles he is offered in Hollywood. He usually portrays the tough guy who has women hanging off his arm and he feels that the directors won’t “offer a fairy those type roles”. Anyways…
Here’s the scene: Danny (Donnie Wahlberg) was talking with this actor guy, Russell Berke (Marc Blucas) in the car headed to where the bad guy who attacked Russell is supposed to meet another “target” and are talking about Russell’s sexual preference and the fact that he does not want to come out because of the roles he plays. Anyways, Russell says, “Everybody has three lives: public, private and secret.” He’s talking about the fact that to the public, he is a regular, heterosexual who talks about dating women, though never actually seen with a woman on a date. He explains this as being because he keeps his private life private. But he has his secret life of being gay. Danny says something along the lines of not him, what you see is what you get. Russell admires him for having such a simple life.
I can wish that we all had lives like Danny: simple. I honestly agree with Russell on this. We all have our “public” lives, the side that we show to strangers and others we just met, a new doctor, the cashier at the grocery store, etc. We don’t usually let them see who we truly are, just the mask we show to people we don’t know and trust. It could be because we are actually a paranoid person who doesn’t trust people in general and don’t think they need to see anything more than a happy go lucky mask, or because we aren’t comfortable around people in public, or even because we have had some trauma in our past that makes us put on this mask that is completely opposite of our true nature. This is the mask we wear so naturally as a self-defense that most of the time we don’t even realize that we are doing it.
Then we have our “private” life, the side we show to friends we’ve allowed to become close to us, the people we’ve known for years, and those who we’ve come to trust to an extent. This is the side that even our family sees, be it because there is just some things we don’t want them to know, or because we’re not sure how they will react. Perfect example of this is a child who is gay not being sure how their parents will react, or being afraid of negative reactions, will not completely open up to said parents until they are sure. So they put on a face, their “public” face, and keep their sexuality from their family. We can hang out with these people, these family members, relax a little more around them, and open up some. But we still hold something back: our true selves. No matter how well we trust them, there are still things we hide about ourselves from them, because of perceived reactions, or because we just don’t want to show them everything yet.
Which brings us to our “secret” lives: the side that no one is usually privy to; it is a rare person that sees this side of us. It is the life we have behind closed doors, when no one else is there, that we feel most comfortable with being ourselves, whether it’s secretly being gay or that we are bipolar and are depressed because we have no one to share our lives with (no significant other) or whatever the case may be. This is the side of us that only our closest family sees, if we allow them, if we feel we can trust them enough. Sadly, there are more people than we might think who don’t trust even their family not to judge them or stab them in the back.
But this is just my take on it… I could be completely wrong. Does that all make sense? I hope so because I’m not sure how to explain it any better.